Here is our little boy, Jacob. He was already gone when he was born, but we were so proud of him. He was such a beautiful baby. If you've never seen a premature baby like this, you may be suprised by how dark he looks. It's because premature babies' skin is very thin and their pigments have not fully developed. He did not look this dark in person. The only pictures we have of him are polaroids and they don't scan too well.

Here is our little boy, Jacob. His nurse put her weddding ring on his wrist so we could see how small he was. He was a very tiny baby. He was so perfect in every way. We kissed all of his fingers and toes. It was so hard to say goodbye. I didn't want the nurse to take him away. We held him for about an hour. We studied every part of him because we knew we would never get to see him again.

The song playing is by the Beatles. It is called, "I Will". I first heard this song in the movie, "Love Affair" and loved it. I learned the words shortly after. It was always a song I sang in the shower...ha ha ha. When I got pregnant, I knew it was good to sing to the babies, so I sang this song. It was the only song I could ever think of and also, it was the only song I could remember all of the words to. When I was in the hospital, the night Jacob died inside of me, I sang the babies this song. I sang it to him the next morning when I held him in my arms. The next few weeks while I was trying to keep Emme inside, I sang this song. It made me cry, but it was like an anthem for my babies. I sang it to Emme when she was in the incubator and I sang it to her while she died.

Each year we go to the place where his ashes are spread and we walk around the woods thinking of him. We placed a small marker there today and left a birthday card for him. I can only hope that he sees us and can feel our love.

I know that time will lessen the pain of his death, but it will never entirly go away. It has forever changed me.